Uncle BubbaBubba's sister is pregnant and is in a bad car accident, which caused her to fall into a deep coma. After nearly six months, she awakens and sees that she is no longer pregnant.
Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, " Ma'am, you had twins - a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh, no! Not Bubba; he's an idiot"
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what the girl's name?" "Denise," the doctor answers. The new mother thinks, "Wow! That's a beautiful name! I guess I was wrong about my brother. I really like the name Denise."
Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" The doctor replies, "Denephew."
1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife. 2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations. 3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house. 4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket. 5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday. 6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper. 7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops. 8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway. 9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby. 10. You've used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples.
__________________
Everyone knows that the double edged sword is always the weapon of choice for slaying dragons.
I didn't say it was a redneck joke but that it kinda applies. Bubba is usually a redneck name isn't it? I don't have any redneck jokes, sorry........lol
The owner of a golf course in Mississippi was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University
of Mississippi and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
You gotta love those women from Mississippi
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A group of Mississippi friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked.
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured nobody's gonnasteal Henry!"
======================= Regarding the year 2000, a senior at Mississippi State University was overheard saying "when the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Mississippi." When asked why, he stated that everything happens here 20 years later than the rest of the civilized world.
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The young Mississippian came running into the store and said to his buddy,
"Elmer, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Elmer replied, "Did you see who it was?"
The young Mississippian answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
========================= NEWS FLASH! - Tunica, Mississippi-----Mississippi's worst air disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two local Mississippi college students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today in Tunica.
Tunica search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.
========================= A Mississippi State Trooper pulled over a pickup on highway 61. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
Just watched "Roadhouse" w/ Patrick Swayze, for the someteenth time. Was that rednecks? Any man that can dance, kick the holy crap outa a situation, and look that good, is OK in my book. Actually, he would need all that to even be IN my book. Patrick was lovely. What a nice movie. Keep your dogs on a leash!
A young man was pulled over by the Mississippi State Police for speeding. The officer stepped out of his patrol car, adjusted his sunglasses, and swaggered up to the young man's window. "What chew driving so fast for boy? You going to a fahhr? Let me see your license, boy." The young man handed over his license. Then the officer noticed that the back seat of the car was full of large knives. The officer said, "Tell me boy, why you got them knives on that there back seat?"
The young man replied, "Well sir, I'm a juggler."
The officer spat some tobacco juice and then he said, "A juggler; well you don't say. Boy, put cha hands on the trunk of yer car; you going to jail!"
The young man pleaded with the officer not to take him to jail. He offered to prove to the officer that he was a juggler by way of demonstration. He said, "You can even hold me at gunpoint while I juggle for you." The officer reluctantly allowed him to prove his point while he held him at gunpoint.
Two miles down the road at Joe's Tavern, Billy Bub was drinking it up with Jerry Lee Jones. Billy Bub soon left and got into his old, rusty pickup truck. He proceeded down the road trying his best to stay on the right side. All of a sudden Billy Bub spotted the most unbelievable sight of his life! He drove to the nearest phone booth and dialed the number for Joe's Tavern and asked for his buddy, Jerry Lee.
When Jerry Lee got on the phone, Billy Bub said, "Whatever you do when you leave that tavern, don't go north on route 109. The state police are giving a sobriety test that nobody can pass!"
__________________
Everyone knows that the double edged sword is always the weapon of choice for slaying dragons.
there are plenty of rednecks here in KY. There are some places where they have more non working cars than working cars in their yqrds. I will take pics of where I live and the neighborhood. It's really pretty our here. I live in Kentucky. ha...You can tell we live in KY when we have cows grazing 20 feet from the end of our front yard. ha
crossed the line between joking and being mean --proto
Sorry, i don't know any. Funny though.
