Well I thought I would tell you all what is going on. First let me explain that what I am about to say will only make sense to a few of you as I had not told everyone. See I had two little boys !8 months old and 5 months old. Now in chat the other night there were a couple of you I know really well and a couple of you I didn't. So when I spoke of my boys I had told you ALL that they were from surrogate mothers when in reality I was adopting BOTH these boys. I did not have a problem telling those I know well the truth but there were others I did not know and I could not risk it being I did not want anything hindering the adoption. There has been so much bitterness on the net between the forums and individuals that having not really known some of the people in chat well you can surely understand my concern. I planned on clueing those I knew in on the truth of the matter but I never had a chance. Only two people from this forum knew about this.
I loved these boys with all my heart so much so that the lil white lie was worth it if it meant having them in my life always. These boys meant so much to me and my husband and we were so sure they would be with us permanently that we decided that Dillon and pepper had to go as they were not suted for small children. Well Pepper is gone that can't be changed and I suppose everything happens for the best but now things have changed. The birth mother has changed her mind and done so in a very hurtful and horrible way. I will not go into details as right now I feel pretty dead inside. (I am told that feeling will pass but I don't believe it for a second.) Anyway that as you already know is the reason for relocating some of the dogs we had. I truly love Dillon but I loved my boys so much more. Well now the boys are gone and their beds stand empty in their quiet deserted room and I feel like my life force has been sucked dry. So I have all the time in the world now to find Dillon a new home. I know some of you don't think I deserve kids and some have said some hateful things about my past but honestly I never did anything to deserve the pain I felt when my heart was torn out the first time and I certainly did not do anything to deserve a replay of that pain. But you see I cannot carry a child on my own and it would cost upwards of 40,000.00 to have a gestational surrogate to carry one for us. Even if I had a friend or family member to do it it would still cost about 25 to 30,000. I thought since my husband and I had so much love to give that perhaps adopting would be the best choice as there are children who need a family with all we have to offer. This is the 2nd time we have gone through this pain and I can tell you there will not be a third. It may take us a couple years but in the end it wil be our own baby via a gestational surrogate or none at all because this is an agonizing pain I would not wish on my most hated enemy.
I hurt beyond words to describe it I HURT and you know if it were simply that this woman changed her mind because she couldn't bear to part with her children and she loved them so much that would be one thing it would still hurt but I could get past that pain. But I assure you that is not the case and that is what hurts more then anything. The older one called me mama and my husband dada and now they are just gone. And so is my heart.
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This too I shall live through.
For like the Phoenix, I shall rise from the ashes and soar through the sky having been reborn. http://pitbulls-dobermans.tripod.com
Pits- what can I say? I just can't believe you are having to go through something like this... after all you have been through. There is nothing that I can say to make things any better. Just know that I will be praying for you. I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry that this has happened Pits, sad that you feel so torn up. Its such a hard way to go, the adoption agencies, it really a toss in the bucket with if the maternal mom goes thru or hanks your heart right out of your chest. I'm so sorry.
As for fostering the agencies have approved me once before but I am torn between my feelings. I know that children are stolen from their families for the love of money and power. I know it all too well and I don't want to be part of that. In my mind i think the more foster parents available the more kids they can steal. Then again I know there are few foster homes out of the many that would genuinly do what is best for the children and not harm them. So I guess in a way people like us are really needed. I certainly would never adopt that way since I could never be sure the child was not stolen. When a child is placed for adoption by their birth parents it is one thing but when a child is stolen it is a different story. The boys I was going to adopt were not through an agency it was a private adoption. Between the parents and us. I always knew she had the power to destroy my world and I guess I saw it coming but I kept denying it.
I talked to her today on the phone and the older of the two came to the phone and when he heard my voice he said MAMA! And blew me a big kiss! Now she says she is not sure. I know she is playing with me so i refuse to believe I will again see my boys but I can't resist a chance to hear his voice.
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This too I shall live through.
For like the Phoenix, I shall rise from the ashes and soar through the sky having been reborn. http://pitbulls-dobermans.tripod.com
What does she want from you?? Is she trying to get money from you. Sigh, I just don't know how one could do something like that. If I were you, I would just keep your love for them burning, something could come up. Just brace yourself in case its not what you wanted.
Your right I guess, you hear so many times, about children being abused and molested in foster care. Its is supposed to be a safe place for them, these days just the thought of going to foster care would scare the cr*p out of me if I were a kid. Good people like yourself are needed.
it sounds like she doesnt know for sure what she wants.i dont know what her reason was for placing them up for adoption to begin with. if she did it because she truly loved them and wanted them to have a better life, then i,m sure she will take good care of them.but if she just didnt want to be bothered with them at the time or couldnt handle them, then i would be worried. if she has just recently got them back and is already having second thoughts, then that woman has some serious issues and isnt ready to care for them. it sounds to me like you might be geting them back. if she couldnt deal with them the first time, she probably wont be able to now either. i will be praying for you that you get your boys back and for good this time. it sounds like they want to come home too.
I know she needs help especially financially and I would love to help her but in Georgia it is very spacific and I cannot help her financially. I could go to jail even though it would be innocently wanting to help another human being out. when I told her i could not help her pay her light bill or her phone bill or give her any money her whole attitude started to change. she got nasty and argumentative and I wonder now. She said today that she is getting evicted. But seriously i know she has some mental issues for a fact. I am torn...do i believe her when she says she is sorry and still wants us to adpopt? She says she fels like i am being pushy. I offer to take the boys for her alot because i know she can't handle it alone and every mother single or not needs a break. I also offer to help her get to where she needs to go and yes i do look forward to having the babies. Hell i bonded with them the 18mo old calls me momma! And the lil one is the apple of my eye! He is the sweetest baby and such a lil flirt! Their room here has a blue sky with white clouds and a sunshine on the wall above his crib. The bottom half is green grassy hills with a road all the way around and cars, trucks, taxicabs and school buses! The clouds have glow in the dark stars hidden in them so at night they have a night sky to look at and just enough light not to be afraid. I made them matching curtains and bedding I got them lots of toys and clothes! I was serious when i said i would adopt them and that I loved them! I have even taken them to their doctors appointments! What more does she want from me??? I have grown to care for her and the other kids as well hell she is their mother and they would not be part of my life if it were not for her! She says i seem to only care about the boys. Not true but I love them way more thats for sure! I love them so much this is tareing my heart out!
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This too I shall live through.
For like the Phoenix, I shall rise from the ashes and soar through the sky having been reborn. http://pitbulls-dobermans.tripod.com
just my 2 cents...any one who would jerk the kids around like that i have no respect for..i have 2 gilrs and they are my life...since you have so much love to give..think and look inot fostering...i know that you have some issues with the sysgtem...but it is a way to justify the means...you could get to adopt...or at least have children to love and raise...i have thought of it seriously...and somedays i might do it..my kids say to get them a couple of brothers..lol...so you never know. Good luck and i know that your hurting now..try to find a positive from all of it...
This too I shall live through.
For like the Phoenix, I shall rise from the ashes and soar through the sky having been reborn. http://pitbulls-dobermans.tripod.com
