Well I just found out a bunch of stuff about a so called "friend" and I dont know what I should do about it or if I should even do anything at all.
Here is a small recap before I tell you what I found out.
About 6 months ago I was living with my best friend and my friend(Lily) from work and her boyfriend. They all moved out about 5 months ago, and after they moved out we all stayed friends. Lily and I would hang out and she would come to my work and call me,etc.
So about two weeks ago Lily told me she quite working at Jamba Juice cause she was sick of it. Then about a week ago a mutal friend and customer at Jamba Juice told me that Lily got fired for stealing. So I didnt think much of it, cause Lily has always been the most responsable person I have met and I didnt want to belive it was true till I found out the thruth.
So today I decided I wanted to find out the truth, I went to Jamba Juice(I use to work there too) and two of the people working there ran up to me and pulled me outside telling me they had to talk to me. I asked immediatly if the rumor about Lily stealing was true and they said she has stolen around $1100 in a 4 month period of time. Not only that but she was caught with the money from the safe in her car the day she was fired.
So not only that but I found out that about 2 weeks ago she told everyone her dad had passed away. However just yesterday she told me she was in Boston visiting her dad for his birthday. She also told everyone at work that her ex was stalking her and came to her house and shot himself in the chest. One of the girls who works there called him and asked him if he had shot himself, he had not. They then find out she cheated on her ex with this other guy, going to one guys house and then leaving from there to go to her boyfriends house.
I also found out that she was talking about me behind my back for the last 6 months. She had said so many bad things about me that all the people at my old work hated me for months and I never even knew. The whole time she acted normal around me, calling me to go out, etc...I also found out she talked about everyone else behind their backs that she called a friend.
There was also a point in time when my best friend and I had a falling out, my BF and Lily started hanging out and even though me and my bf have worked things out I cant help but think that Lily was bad mouthing me the whole time and thats why me and my BF dont talk as much.
She is a pathalogical liar, she lies about everything,everyone, and anything. Even when there is nothing to lie about she still lies. None of her friends like her anymore, and I just cant believe that this is how she really is, its crazy.
So I wont be her friend anymore, there is no excuse for talking about people behind their backs and then act as though you love them. I cant believe she stole all that money and lied about her dad. I cant believe she said all these things about me and made 20 people hate me. By the way everyone at my old work apologized and hugged me. They said they started catching on to her lies and figured it out and they felt real bad they have ever hated me because of her.
Right now Lily has no idea I know anything she is out of town and will be till the 27th.
So I have two options I guess, #1 just never talk to her agian, or #2 confront her,let her know I know, and then never talk to her agian.
I dont know what to do, Its crazy how you think you know someone and then something happens and you see how they really are. Before this I honestly thought she was the most responable, friendlest, nicest, hardest working person I had ever met...guess I was wrong :(
Wow, that is harsh. However, I definitely would talk to her. I know a few people like that(namely family members) but if you do not confront them they will think they can do it to anyone, I am sure no one else said anything to her, therefore she will keep on doing it. I would confront her. I had to confront my own mom, we do not speak at all now and haven't for a couple of years. The worst part is I live only a few miles from her. But I would rather have my life happy and make sure they know that they cannot do that to me. It has cost alot but it is worth an awful lot to to not have that disfunction in your life.
Thanks Katz, I probly will talk to her, its a tough situation and I couldnt imagine if it were my mom instead of my friend, but your right, I would rather be happy in life then constantly wanting to pull my hair out because someone wasnt treating me right.
Everyone she lied too and stole from has confronted her. They told me today that they have been calling and talking to her asking her how she could do this, and she denys it still, even though there is proof! Lily even text me this morning telling me she canged her number, now I know why she changed her number, everyone has been getting nasty with her and to be honest I dont blame them, but I think I will kill her with kindness when I talk to her.
I know one of the girls at Jamba Juice wants to talk to Lily's mom, she knows her mom pretty well. The reason she wants to talk to her mom is cause Lily has a problem, a serious one, stealing, lieing,cheating. She is gonna mess up her life if she continues this behavior and Whitney wants to let her mom know whats going on so her mom can get her help of somekind. Lily's mom has no idea whats happening, doesnt even know she was fired for stealing, she just thinks her daughter quit cause she was sick of it.
i would wait until she gets back and invite her to lunch. go to a quiet place. like a park where theres not alot of other people around. but dont be completely alone with her. if she has been lying, cheating and stealing , and you comfront her, she could end up getting very nasty. dont let her lie .tell her that you already know the truth about what she has been up too and you are not going to stand for it any longer.period. if she is not willing to open up and admit anything, then i would tell her that you can no longer be her friend. and that friendships are based on honesty and trust. if she does admit it, i would tell her that you are hurt that she lied about you and are willing to forgive, but if it doesnt stop then your friendship with her will. a TRUE friend doesnt hurt you like that. they are there for you and defend you to others if need be. she hasnt done any of that. and you dont deserve to be treated that way by anyone, especially a so-called "friend".
WOW been there, done that...........lol I have had so called friends do that a couple times. I agree, i would also confront her and let her know you know and then drop her completely. That is not cool. Sorry Syd. We're your friends here
I agree that Lily definitely has some problems. I would also let her know that you know all that has been going on and that you are very hurt and disappointed in her. If she were to own up to all of it and apologize, I would tell her that it would be very hard to forgive her and that it will take a long time and an awful lot of effort on her part before you would even come close to trusting her again. If, on the other hand, you feel that her betrayal is forever unforgiveable I would let her know that she has lost a once loyal friend for good. I am sure this will cause her to tell more untruths but those who matter to you will know the difference and not believe her, especially if they are aware of the past situation. With the amount of dishonesty, etc. that she has demonstrated I personally would prefer not to call her "friend" and cut all ties.
Be careful, people that go down that road will physically attack you, also. By lying about you to your friends, she was "stealing" their affection from you. She is insecure and mentally unstable, doubtless will deny anything you tell her. I sometimes think that people that get this bad begin believing their own lies. When she finds out that you are no longer duped, and a person that she can take things from, she may lash out physically in frustration. I have had this happen twice, with people that had those exact same problems. Despite the fact that both of them knew that I was a competing fighter at black belt level, each eventually surprised me by attacking me physically. Although I was able to subdue them w/o hurting them, it is not something that I recommend to add to your week. Maybe Ansy can explain it better. I think it has something to do with jealousy, when they try to take your friends, your good name, your possessions [did things "break" "were borrowed" or disappear when she lived with you?]and at some point even threaten your life. They want power over you. I am pretty sure is is a subconscious thing, maybe even an impulsive thing, and perhaps with therapy, they can help it, I don't know. As far as I know, people that act like this never stop.
As someone who likes a drama-free life, I would just stop returning her calls. What could you gain by confronting her? You already know that she's going to lie, and you already know you don't want to be her friend. Confronting her will just give you an unneeded headache. The best revenge truly is living well.
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"Thought is an invisible and subtle power that mocks all the efforts of tyranny." Alexis de Tocqueville
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"Thought is an invisible and subtle power that mocks all the efforts of tyranny." Alexis de Tocqueville
