Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work boots - a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog dish beside it, a really BIG dog dish. Leave a note on your front door that says, "Bubba, big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in an hr. Don't disturb the Pitbulls, they've just been wormed."
