Here's the deal. My brother is 25, and he's "in love" with a 19 year old that he's never met. Only talked to on the phone and online. She says she wants to move here and marry him. She lives in Utah and has never been to FL. I personally think he's buying into her lies. He's done it before and it's broke his heart. She says she loves him and he says the same. I can't stand to see my brother get his heart broken again. I've seen it too many times. He's a good guy just he gets attatched WAY to easy. He wants the "perfect" woman. Hell I want the "perfect" man but I know there is no such thing. I've been talking to him about this for a week since he's been back. We are getting a bigger place and I've already told him that if she comes to visit she's not welcome in my house. If she moves here she's not moving in with us. I want them to really get to know eachother before they do anything. I've tried the "learn the hard way" with him and it just doesn't seem to work. He wants a woman to be "happy" and I've told him a million times over, you can't be happy with anyone until you are happy with yourself, he thinks haveing a woman will make him happy with himself.
Is the motherly instic comming out or shoudl I be worried here? I feel so bad for him cause really I'm all he has right now. Him and my hubby are very close but hubby just says let him learn. I can't! I've seen it happen to many times.
Any sugguestions?
Some of ya'll are prolly like HUH? Since I haven't giving a update from Stormyville in a while. My brother moved back in with us a little over a week ago. Along with a few other things! I've been pretty busy since i've had all my family in town for my mother wedding last Sat.
Sweety I wish I had some good advise for ya. i will share a story.
I meet my husband within 1 week of being back in florida. We moved in together on our first date. Everyone thought we were crazy and that we were making the wrong desicion but we have been together now for almost 7 yrs. Of course we have had ups and downs but we have stuck it out through them.
The only thing I would say is talk to him and her. Get to know her. Maybe there is more to this then you know. Maybe they really do love each other. People meet their life long partners all the time online. Sometimes it does work out and they really do love each other. But please don't alienate your brother over this. Because if it doesn't work out he is not gonna wanna hear told you so.
I started talking to my hubby online only to come to find out we really knew eachother. We had been friends long before we started talking online, it's actually a pretty funny story. We were friends hanging out all the time, while we were talking online. Then we planned on meeting and BAM!
He's done this before, he's feel in "love" with a girl he's never met online, she was telling him she was going to fly down her blah blah blah and she never showed. Broke his heart. It's happened to him more than once. I understand love can be found online hell that's "kinda" the way I found hubby, if we hadn't been talking online little did we know we actually liked eachother. I have written her a message threw MySpace, just don't know how exactually it came across, I tried to be nice about it, but I tend to be a big "B" when it comes to woman and my brother. I guess i'm very protective of him.
Stormy, I can really relate to your situation with your brother. I have a brother who is 5 years younger than me and I have gone through the same thing with him. In my opinion the best we can do is honestly share our thoughts with them without preaching or giving ultimatums. You can tell him from your heart that you are afraid of him being hurt again but that you hope that you are wrong and if she does come to Florida you would love to meet her and get to know her and that you hope they are willing to wait and give their relationship some time before they actually take the plunge into marriage. If their love is real, waiting won't affect it at all. As he is living with you, you do have the right to say "no" to her moving into your home and he should respect that decision without getting upset with you. My brother is a big softy and very sensitive. After many relationships and one failed marriage he has been with the same gal for almost 8 yrs. He loves her, she loves him and they get along great. Now I'll tell you a secret that I've never told him - I personally can't stand her! But they are both happy and that's what matters. Also they live many miles from me and most times when he does come for a visit she's unable to get time off from work to come with him! And on those rare occasions when she does come with him, I grin & bear it, am hospitable and count the minutes until they leave and feel guilty for feeling that way!
I don't know if I can be any help but here goes. I met my husband on line when I was 16 yrs. old. He's 6 years older than me. We talked on the computer and on the phone until I was 18. He came down to TN after I turned 18 3 x's. After that we got married and I moved to PA, well NJ at the time. I guess our situation was a little different than your brothers. My husband didn't think he needed a wife to be happy. We just happened to meet. The oddest was that it was both of our first times in a chat room. We ended up talking to each other because neither of us knew what we were doing. Also, we did spend 3 weeks together, although not right next to each other, before we did anything drastic. I also never begged to move to him and get married. To me, that seems the strangest. Even though I knew I was in love with my husband before we actually met I also knew, and he knew, that we should meet first and get to know each other a bit in person.
Instead of trying to talk your brother out of meeting her and spending time with her altogether why don't you try talking to him and getting him to slow down a bit first. Why don't you get one or the other to just visit for a few days and see how it goes and go from there?
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Saving just one dog won't save the world, but it surely will change the world for that one dog. -Richard C. Call
Lordy lordy. Boy can I relate. Since about last April, my son has been talking mostly on the phone to a gal he met on myspace. She's just turned 19. She lives about 1 1/2 up noth from us in Oxnard. I've told him all I think about the whole thing. I have also spoken to her many times. I give her advice about stuff. I tried to help save her puppys life, but they were a little slow about the seriousness of tiny pups, low blood sugar, all that suff. Poor baby died. I was so sad. She is very nice. I think she gets it that it could possibly never come to fruition, the times we want to drive up there, my son either has a show with his band, or she has to do something with her family. I guess her parents will not go out of their way to bring her anywheres near, even though sha has been very close. (Which I fully don't understand) She went to one of those mexican 16 year old special partys. Sorry I can't remember the name of it. She could not leave, it was her couisins. I don't get it. Maybe her parents think well if she has a phone relationship they don't have to worry about her really messing around sexually ya know. That would take a load off my mind if I had a daughter.
I think next break from school, I want to make point of going up there.
She is going to beautitian school, or whatever they call it. I tell her things here and there about my son that she would never ever be able to find out if she did not see him in person. Like his habitual lateness, his sloppiness. LOL
Have the chick come visit, Thats the best way to see if they can actually stand being around each other.
That is what I would do. Suggest that she come VISIT him....... but tell him that marriage is not some thing that should be rushed. Maybe he found the perfect girl......if so, she will still be perfect in a year or so after they have met in person and have had some time to get to know each other. I met my husband when I was 17.....he is 13 years older then me. We knew right away that it was meant to be. We moved in together 3 months after we met because my mom kicked me out of the house(VERY long story) and I had no where else to go, so I called him up and asked if I could move in with him (Talk about an awkward phone call! LOL!) Anyway, we were engaged 3 months later.......... We were just married last year, we were engaged for 5 years! But it was so worth the wait. My daughters were both old enough to be in the wedding and we had finally gotten enough money to have the wedding that we wanted.
I am afraid the only advice i have is meet the girl before you pass any judgement. Then after you have met her decide if she is or is not a good match for your bro. I really feel that he needs to get to know her better than online also....there are just some things that you can only know if you are with someone in person.
On another note....where abouts in utah is she? I am nosy....and from utah.
stormy. am not meaning this in a rude way but....butt out. lol your brother is a big boy at 25. it sounds like he has his mind made up anyway. if you get in the middle , chances are she is going to show up, they will be all lovey dovey and they will both turn on you for trying to come between them. live and learn will be his lesson. we can protect them as children, but when they become adults,they need to find things out on their own. you may even find that you may like the girl. if you dont , learning to smile through your clenched teeth, is alot nicer than "biting" remarks. be there for your brother and cheer him on when times are good, and hold him in your arms when things get rough , but most of all, let him make the decisions concerning his life. make him feel like he can share his feelings with you and you will a good listener and not condescending. the bond between brother and sister will become unbreakable.
Puttin I didn't do anything for my moms wedding, it was a come as you are type of thing. The recepction was in my front yard, with a trash can full of ice and beer! LOL Yeah it was real red neck! I was so embarrased I left and went to my brother in laws.
Dusty you aren't being rude at all. But, like Kitty said a "big boy" wouldn't be living with me. He's going threw somethings which I understand. He was unemployed when he was living in GA and is behind on all this bills and car payment. That's his own fault and i've told him that but i'm not going to have him living on the streets.
Jessica she lives in Clearfield/Layton where ever that is in Utah.
Ah heck, sounds like it was still fun. Don't laugh but my second hubby and I got married at the courthouse and went and partied at this dive bar we liked. LOL How redneck is that. LOL
And on those rare occasions when she does come with him, I grin & bear it, am hospitable and count the minutes until they leave and feel guilty for feeling that way!
