Kaitlyn will be 7 yrs. old on Saturday. She's had a free ride for 7 yrs. I clean her room for her. If her and Gillian play I clean up their toys when their done, I make her bed, I put away all of her clothes, etc, etc. Anyway, I talked to my husband about it and we decided its time Kaitlyn do a few things for herself. We decided she'll clean her room, except for the things she obviously can't do. I guess I should say she'll pick up and put away. She's been doing this for the week. I am also having her make her bed in the mornings before school. Today I did laundry and when she got home I had her put her clothes away. Yesterday I had her pick up and put away in her bathroom. Well! The child acts like I'm mutilating her. She's crying and acting like I'm horrible to her. My questions are am I having her do to much? Are the things I'm having her do to much for her? Maybe I shouldn't have added it all at once. Maybe I should have added in one thing at a time? What do you think?
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Saving just one dog won't save the world, but it surely will change the world for that one dog. -Richard C. Call
LOL, your kids are luckier then mine! Both my 6 and (almost)4 year old make their own bed, they have to pick up their own toys(sometimes I help), They have to take their own dishes into the kitchen after they eat. I have them help me with the laundry once in a while. Mine will sometimes act like the world is coming to an end because they have to pick up their toys but as long as you stay consistant and do NOT let them get away with fit throwing, (i.e. don't let her stop picking up her toys just because of a fit) or else she will walk all over you. I had lots of problems with Makaylah because we would cave to her and then she became a little brat! I couldn't believe it. So we finally had to get the upper hand, and now she minds a WHOLE lot better! We have started earlier with Caitlyn, like we should have with Makaylah and we are not having the same problems with her.
Good for you for having her work a little, just hang in there!!
The chores don't seem like too much, but the timing kinda stinks. She just got chores for her birthday. Is there perhaps a new privilege she could have to go along with the chores? If so, you could tie together freedom and responsibility, show her that they go hand-in-hand.
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"Thought is an invisible and subtle power that mocks all the efforts of tyranny." Alexis de Tocqueville
When my daughter & grandsons moved in I set up some rules for the boys. At the time they moved in they were 4 & 6. I told them if they were big enough to take out the toys to play with they were also big enough to put them away. Granted they may not have been put away as neatly as I or their mom would have done it but they got the drift. They were slowly given a few extra responsibilities such as putting their own dirty clothes in the hamper, their own dirty dishes in the dishwasher, dusting what they could reach, etc. Along with this I made up a weekly chart for each of them that had each day listed with their assigned chores together with extras columns for other things they might do. Each day that they did a chore they got a star in that column and if they did something extra it was listed in the blank columns with a star. There was also a bigger box at the end of each day and if they got in trouble a check mark was put in it for each time. We put a monetary value on each star and each check mark also had a value. No check marks earned an extra special bonus (unfortunately I think I only had to pay that out once or twice) At the end of the week everything was tallied up and they were given their allowance. We didn't remind them of a chore they were missing but one of the last things done each nite before bed was to tally up their daily earning. They learned real quick especially when one would make $1 or so and the other one was in the hole $.50 cuz he didn't do any chores and got in trouble during the day.
It worked great for us. We didn't have to nag or threaten and it was funny to watch their outlook change and see them become responsible little guys. All of us were alot happier. Of course, word of warning, there were a few days when their Mom & I really had to hold back and NOT do the chores they had missed during the day.
I don't think it's bad at all! Course, I grew up in a country setting and so did my husband. Both our parents have ranches, so chores were always a part of our lives. My son is 5 and my daughter is 3 1/2 and as soon as they were able to understand they have helped out. Like Katz's kids, mine make their beds, bring their plates to the sink, clean up their toys, etc. I do the laundry, but when they put their PJs on at night, they will put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket. Since we have been doing it for so long, they just accept it as part of a daily routine. I'm sure that will change in a few years and they will whine about it, lol, but right now they just automatically do it. The only thing I have to remind them of is cleaning up toys before getting more. They tend to bring all their toys out at the same time. But they even know where all their toys go. Instead of just throwing them in their rooms, they actually put them in the toy box or whatnot. My mum says it creeps her out to see such clean toddler rooms, lol. My little daughter is so anal about being clean that she will actually pick up stuff like lint in the carpet and go throw it away! Or she gets out her little fake vacuum and pretends to vacuum when I do. I think chores are good for kids, teaches them responsibility and to respect and take care of things. Kaitlyn probably complains not because it's too much for her, but because she's not used to it, and she is at that age where they start to complain anyway. Just stick to your guns!
-- Edited by HunterNellasmom at 21:56, 2006-01-26
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-The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all
Ok, I too started my son on chores way late and paid dearly for it but through massive trial and error we figured out what works for us. I started letting him "Help" me clean up and slowly tapered off to where he was doing it himself. And...... i made a HUGE deal about it if he did it on his own. I started adding a chore at a time and he did good but still had fits at times. I was given a book by my mother-in-law that she used with my husband and his brother and it was wonderful. When i first read it, i was like no way, this won't work but i tried it and it worked like a charm. What it said was to sit down with your child and together, make a list of chores. You pick one, they pick one, you pick one, they pick one and so on. Then, you go down the list and with some negotiation between you both, you pick a few. Then, when you ask them to do a chore, the key is the less you say the better. Like.....if they leave a toy on the floor, explain once that you will take away whatever she doesn't put away and then if the toy gets left on the floor, you say "Kaitlyn, toy" and point at it. Then leave it alone and walk away. If she doesn't pick it up, you do and take it away. Just a suggestion, but it worked perfect for me and still does 2 years later. Everyone else's suggestions were great too.
I know the timing stinks. I thought of that myself. We did start it about 2 weeks ago though. Still not much better. She hasn't seemed to incorporate it with her birthday though. Also, this isn't completely new. It never was a regular routine that she had to do anything but every now and again I'd make her put something away or make her put away her clothes but it was only once in a blue moon. It's not the idea of doing it thats making her so upset its the fact that she has to do it more often. About 6 months or so ago I had, had her start cleaning her room. This turned into the most horrible screaming fits you have ever seen or heard. I stuck to it for a couple of weeks but that it got to where I couldn't stand it anymore so I didn't make her clean her room anymore. Bad idea. I know. She was going through a phase with the screaming fits though. She hasn't had one of those in a while. She also hasn't had a screaming fit with the things she has to do now but there is a lot of crying! Since this is what everyone else makes their kids do I don't feel so bad. I haven't given in when che cries or whines. I still make her do it. I just felt bad about it. I thought that maybe I was making her grow up to early. LOL! I've heard of the star chart before. Maybe I'll do that.
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Saving just one dog won't save the world, but it surely will change the world for that one dog. -Richard C. Call
I am trying to teach Kaitlyn now to put up her things and she is 4. When I was growing up I had chores at 5..and they were every morning before school water the dogs and horses. As I got old they were water and feed the dogs and horses. And bottle feed whatever bull calf we had at the time. And I mean these things happened at 5 in the morning.
Zoe, do you like Dr. Phil? If so, he recommended something for screaming that worked wonders on my daughter. When she was 2 she would do that screaming thing too. When she wouldn't get her way, when she was mad, when I put her in timeout...it was a big old headache. Well, I watched Dr. Phil this one day, and he suggested that when they scream, you first tell them to "Stop screaming right now or you'll go in timeout". If they don't stop right then, you immediately pick them up and bring them to their room. If you do things like "I mean it" or "on the count of three" they won't think you're serious, you have to follow through right away with your threats. Once you put them in their room, you tell them that they are in timeout for 15 minutes, and that the time doesn't start until they stop screaming/crying. And if they stop for awhile, and you start the time, and then they start again, the time starts over. If after 5 minutes they are still screaming, you go in and take away a toy. You literally keep taking a way a toy until their room is literally bare. Bed and dresser and that's it. If that doesn't get them to stop, you begin literally throwing away the toys. And once you throw it away you can't, under any circumstance, dig it back out later when they're being good and give it back. It has to be gone. I literally stripped my daughter's entire room one day, and when I got to the part of throwing away toys, I only had to throw away one thing (a stuffed animal) before she got the hint. You start off throwing away the minor stuff. But you might not even get to the throwing away part, she may stop at the taking away the toys part or maybe even when she realizes she has to be quiet for 15 minutes straight, lol.
About a week after my daughter's episode, she threw another fit and I put her in her room, and when she didn't stop screaming after 5 minutes, I grabbed a toy, and I have never heard a crying child stop and be completely silent so fast! Lol.
I feel like a meanie sometimes because when she would scream in the car, I would just turn up the radio so it was louder than her screaming. Since she couldn't outdo the radio she would give up because I really do think it was a battle of wills with her. Kids...it's a constant battle eh? lol
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-The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all
I do like Dr. Phil. The screaming fits only lasted about 2 months. She hasn't had one in 6 months or so. The way I got her to stop was basically the same. I went really extreme with it as soon as I started. The time-outs didn't work. They only made her worse. On day I had had enough. I went in her room and I took EVERYTHING out except her dresser. The day I did that was the day they stopped. She hasn't done it since. She had to earn her things back one toy box at a time. Around Christmas time she started acting like an angel because I told her if she didn't earn all of her things back before Christmas santa wouldn't leave her anything. I meant it too. We spent over 5,000.00 on the kids Christmas this year and it wouldn't have bothered me one bit to take Katie's things back if she weren't being good and didn't deserve them.
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Saving just one dog won't save the world, but it surely will change the world for that one dog. -Richard C. Call
Lol! Well, it sounds like you're doing a great job, so I wouldn't worry. If the screaming thing was a phase, maybe this chore whining thing is too. You sound like a great mum, some kids just go through things sometimes. It leaves about as quick as it comes thankfully :) You sure she isn't learning tips from Zoe? Hehe, just kidding ;) How IS Zoe doing these days?
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-The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all
Pay her for the work. Pay both the girls to HELP mommie. My manager at work gets new dollar coins from the bank in rolls. Each week, each child gets one dollar for each year of age they are. They put the coins into the big banks in their room. He says that soon he will take them to the bank and show them how to put the coin bank money into a savings account...etc. Things like this are life lessons. How to earn, how to save. BTW, both my brothers grew up not doing housework, they have never been consistantly employed, and are largely dependant[with their kids] on relatives for money. I don't have much, but have worked for the same business over 25 years and am the only one of the 3 of us with credit...
I totally agree with making a punishment and sticking to it but the toy thing didn't work for us. We took the toys, didn't work, we finally got a trash bag and said fine, the toys go in the garbage and guess what.........he said bye bye to each toy that went in the bag! Not a tear. Joe's fits were so bad that we actually took him in for testing. Hearing, allergies and finally ADD. It came out that he has ADHD but mildly. The tantrums would be violent and last all day if he wanted. The only thing that has worked for us is we say it once and walk away and still take they toy or a privlige away if needed. If he throws a fit, to his room he goes until it stops. With Joe, ignoring the fit and only giving attention to the good moods has worked. It sounds like you have got a good thing going so far. I also agree with the allowence thing. Joe gets a time sheet and a "paycheck" every friday. Works great.
Is there perhaps a new privilege she could have to go along with the chores? If so, you could tie together freedom and responsibility, show her that they go hand-in-hand.
"Thought is an invisible and subtle power that mocks all the efforts of tyranny." Alexis de Tocqueville
) At the end of the week everything was tallied up and they were given their allowance. We didn't remind them of a chore they were missing but one of the last things done each nite before bed was to tally up their daily earning. They learned real quick especially when one would make $1 or so and the other one was in the hole $.50 cuz he didn't do any chores and got in trouble during the day.
