Well, after almost a week of spending 23 hours a day in bed, she perked up the other night and decided to walk around some. I was glad to see that because it made me think she was feeling better.
Well, about 3AM Tuesday morning, JT went out to smoke and when he came in, she darted out the door. He was so not expecting that because she could barely walk the whole week. It's like she got a burst of energy or something. He tried to catch her but she just ran off into the field. It's been almost 2 days now and we haven't seen her since.
Yesterday afternoon, we heard a neighbor fire one gun shot. I've been a train wreck ever since. She has missed 4 doses of her anti-biotics now and I don't know if she "went off to die" like cats do sometimes, if she was finished off by the neighbor, or if she is just gone somewhere private to heal. We've looked in our barns and under the porches and have called for her several times.
I fear the worst. In my heart, I just feel that I won't ever see her again. That gunshot yesterday sealed it for me. I hate this because I have no closure. If she was dead, I could bury her and know where she is. Now, I'm just lost.
JT feels like I blame him because I've barely spoken to him (or anyone). I want to blame someone for this whole mess, its just human nature, but I don't blame him. Neither of us expected her to all of a sudden be able to run like that after not even walking all week.
I've cried for a week now and it's just not getting any easier. On top of that, we finally got his website up and his music store has a clothing line with her pictures on it. I try to keep my mind off things by working on the website, but when I;m doing store listings, I see her face. There is never a good time for something like this, but now was definitely the WORST time. His company was named after her, and the name will remain, but the image...the logo is of her face. We only have so many images of her to work with and I don't see us being able to get any more. We do have Napster's son - Fatty.....and may have to use him in the future. Both cats were fixed so we would have faced this someday anyway because there would be no offspring, but to have it hit us 2 weeks after launching this site......it's just bad. For now, we are carrying on with her image on the site and the clothing.
Some small part of me hopes that I'll see her again......but I'm never one to get my hopes up for fear of the hurt it can bring down the road. I just wish I could get some kind of closure.
Ansy, I am so sorry for what you are going through. The unknown many times is harder than the known. It is a good sign that she had the spunk to be able to dart out the door and get away from JT. I'm sending prayers for her safe return hoping that she is just taking a break and "licking her wounds" in private.
I totally understand your feeling about the website & clothing line. The company I work for is family owned and about 3 yrs ago the 1 daughter who is in the business had her dog photo'd with the models for our catalog. One week prior to our receiving the catalogs from the printer her dog got loose on her and was hit by a car. It was really hard for her because there were so many pics thoughout the catalog as well as the front cover. Eventually she did reach the point where the pictures brought back good memories and she has chosen each year since to reuse a couple of the photos in our new catalogs.
Hugs are headed your way too! You really deserve a whole bunch of them for all you have been through lately.
I'm sorry about Napster. I can only imagine how hard her disappearance must be for you, especially after all you went through with the shooting. I wish I knew of something comforting and poignant to say, but I think that sometimes life just sucks. I hope you are able to find her so that you can achieve closure.
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"Thought is an invisible and subtle power that mocks all the efforts of tyranny." Alexis de Tocqueville
Did she lose the leg? I may have missed something. Maybe she has gone off to heal somewhere. My ancient, SENILE housecat looked like she was dying a couple months ago. She would not eat, and just slept in the corner for a week. I cried for her life, and thought she was gone. She is fine now, and plagues me to the point of screaming every day now. They say cats have 9 lives.
Still no sign of her. JT finally got so restless that he went to all the neighbor's houses. He knew the guilty party wouldn't admit it, but I guess he just wanted them to know that she had made it home shot, and that whoever done it didn't kill her.
There are 2 houses that we have suspected all along. I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was one of the 2. The first one he went to are the new neighbors. They are the ones with the pit bull who just had 8 pups. The girl came out first and JT asked her about it. SHe told him "well, yeah if the cat was over here bothering our dog then he (her b/f) would have shot her. The problem with that is that Napster is scared to death of dogs - even Ivan. She doesn't go near them at all. When the dogs are in the house, she hides under a bed or we close her off in our bedroom. There is no way she would have approached a pit bull. Then the b/f comes out and confirms he owns a pistol. It was almost like they were teasing JT....telling him they had a gun and "would" shoot the cat.....but of course, didn't shoot her. THEN, they go off bragging about how their pit has killed 4 other dogs by snapping their necks. Now, nothing against pits.....but I honestly do not feel comfortable living next door to that dog now that I know that. I have kids...they don't. That is a prime example (in my opinion) of the very people who do not need that breed of dog because they teach it to fight and kill. It just burns me up.
Anyway, he went to the other "suspects" house and asked them about the gunshot we had heard the day before. The mans wife confirmed that he had shot a cat but said it was solid white. She said the cats body was in the trash if JT wanted to see it, but he declined. That told us that the man WILL shoot a cat, but had he shot ours? Ironically, tonight when I went out to the store, I saw a stray white cat TWICE in the road. There are only 6 houses on this entire road. I personally know 4 of the families here and none of them own a cat. The other 2 families are the parents and sister to the suspect so he wouldnt have shot their cat. There probably IS a white strtay cat around here......but if he shot it - why did I see it in the road tonight? I bet there wasn't even a cat in their trash...she was just saying that to throw JT off.
Anyway, we are no closer to knowing which of the 2 it was. Both have obvious signs that point to them. I'll never know who it was.
If I could have just buried her.......I could have accepted that. She has slept with me every night for 3 years now. It sure is a lonely bed without her. I mean, of course JT is there......but it always made me smile to wake up and she was laying ON me.....not beside me, but on me. I really miss that now.
I have had a better day today though. Last night I finally just let it all out and sobbed like a baby. I needed to do that. I guess slowly, I will get back to normal but it will take time. Three times yesterday I seen Fatty run through the house and for a split second I thought it was Napster.....I almost called out to her.
I have even questioned my own reaction to all of this. Is it too much? It's just a cat. Was there a reason I was SO close to this cat? Why does losing a cat hurt so bad? I almost feel silly at times for being so attached to her. You'd think I had lost a kid. Before I had her I always wondered how people could get SO attached to animals......now I know.
Oh Ansy, i'm so sorry. You are not nuts for feeling upset about Napster. They are our kids, i feel that way about ALL of my animals. It is real grief and will pass with time. I do hope she comes wandering back soon though. Please, please be careful of those neighbors. If they can shoot a cat, they can shoot you or JT. I know that seems extreme but i have heard that people that are cruel to animals are most likely to harm people. I heard a terrible situation the other day from one of my neighbors. Not as bad as yours but still bad. I guess one of my neighbors down the street that is a school nurse found a bull terrier wandering and brought it home. She claims it was a neglected stray and unwanted but you all probebly know that a bull terrier is a pricey dog and not a typical dog to be an unwanted stray. The other neighbor that told me about this said that she saw the dog and it is young, clean and very healthy. Now, that doesn't sound unwanted to me. What pisses us off the most it that these people refuse to turn the dog in in case the owner is looking for it and they refuse to look for the owners themselves. They plan to keep it and fix it. Now that is not their choice. What if the real owners are desperately looking for that dog? Now i worry about mine and will keep a real close eye on them. These neighbors know my dogs but not the new ones so i will make it a point to introduce them so there is no mistake, if they should ever get out, that they are ours. I know it's not the same thing as poor Napster but i really feel for this dogs rightful owners.
"Thought is an invisible and subtle power that mocks all the efforts of tyranny." Alexis de Tocqueville
