Subject: Stories


A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the
cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I
noticed that there wereseveral cabs - and I was in
the wrong one.

Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX


At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly
deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big
breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.


Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA


One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband
had died of a massive
myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to
the rest of the family that he
had died of a "massive internal fart."


Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I
placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line
perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read.
"Now both," I requested. There was silence. He
couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that
he had done exactly what I had asked; he was
standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish
the exam.


Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA



During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he
informed me, his doctor,
that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked.
"The patch. The nurse
told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places
to put it!" I had him
quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see . Yes, the man had
over fifty patches on his
body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a
new one.


Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA


While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have
you been bedridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she answered... "Why, not for about twenty
years - when my
husband was alive."


Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR



I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?"
"It's very good, except
for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient
replied. I then asked to see the
jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI


A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair
styled into a punk
rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
entered. It was quickly
determined that the
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely
disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had
been dyed green, and above it
there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was
completed, the surgeon wrote
a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the
lawn."


and finally...


A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing
female pelvic exams.
To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling
softly. The middle-aged
lady upon whom he was
performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him.
He looked up from his
work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No
doctor, but the song you
were whistling
was,"I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".


Dr. wouldn't admit his name