The very first ever Blonde GUY joke..... And well worth the wait!
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blond opened his lunch and said," Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said," If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much"
..(Oh this is GOOD!!)...
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"
The Cowboy says "Well it's like this Sheriff.... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her...so I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt...so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants...so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now go to town cowboy..." "And, here I am."
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."
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Everyone knows that the double edged sword is always the weapon of choice for slaying dragons.
There are 2 best friends, Bob and John, and they have always competed with each other. One day Bob calls John up and says "hey man, come over and check out what i just got" "ok" says John "and you can see my new toy also". Within 20 minutes, John pulles up in front of Bob's house in a shiny new red Porsche. As he get out of the car with a huge grin on his face, Bob comes out of his house with a big dog on a leash. "What do you think?" asks John, pointing to his red Porsche. "Wow!" Says Bob "nice car". John then tells Bob all the specs on the car when Bob interrupts him and says "well.....how about my surprise?" John looks to where Bob is pointing and sees the ugliest dog he has ever seen! "Whoa!" John says while scowling. "what the h**l is that?" "He may be ugly" Bob smiles "but he's the fastest dog in the world" "Doubt that" smirks John and as Bob keeps nodding his head with a stupid smile, John says "fine. Let's hop in my new car and see how fast this mutt really is." Bob agrees and while holding the leash out the passenger window, they take off at a nice slow pace. "so where's your dog?" asks John. "right here" replies Bob as the dogs head is slowly bobbing up and down. So John Speeds up and asks again. Bob confirms the dog is still trotting along. After a few times of raising the speed and confirming the dog is keeping pace, John says "ok then" and floors it. "how about now?" John asks with a smirk and low and behold, the dog is running along by the Porsche just fine. John is amazed and pissed that he was bested so he slams on the breaks and the car screeches to a halt. John gets out and looks down at the dog and says "That is amazing! How did that dog do that?" Bob just smiles and then John says "hey Bob.......that's a funny looking collar you got on that dog" Bob looks down and says "oh, that's not his collar, that's his a** hole. He's not used to stopping that fast"
A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked,cowering on the closet floor.
"You rotten bastard", says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids."
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"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein
We are on a roll here folks! 
