Ok I need advice and also need to vent. This might get kind of long.
Right now in my house we have 4 people and 4 dogs and one cat. My bestfriend just got kicked out of her house a week ago so she is staying with us making her roomate #4. She has a dog named Charlie, an unaltered Pitbull. Charlie in the past has come over for a couple hours to play and has peed on my floor and on my couch.(that is a major pet peeve of mine, other peoples dogs peeing all over my house) In all honesty it made me not like Charlie, he actually annoys me and I feel really bad about that. Anyway the other day she brought Charlie over and then left him here while she went to work for 8 hours, making me responsable for watching him and the other dogs. Thats 5 dogs! Then she had him spend the night without asking and he spent the next night too. It is just too much for me, if she wants to bring him over to play with my girls thats ok, but I cant have him spending the night and living here a couple days in a row. I dont trust him not to pee and i cant relax with him around. She took him back to her parents house this morning. I'm really hoping she doesnt bring him to spend the night agian.I also dont know what to say if she does. I have already mentioned that 5 is just too many but thats all i said. I also dont want my neigbors thinking we have another dog b/c they do talk to the landlords. I know if he pees in the house one more time I can say he cant come over anymore b/c of that and that would be understandable i hope, but if he doesnt have accidents i still dont want him spending the night. She doesnt watch him as closely as she should considering he has had accidnets, so i dont know what to do.
I feel bad that i dont like him and i have never felt like this about a dog before. It just really bothers me when other people bring their dogs over and that dogs pees in my house. I would never bring my dog over to anyones house if they were not trained properly. Oh and it wouldnt be so bad if i could leave him outback with my girls, but he squezes himself through my gate and gets out and comes to the front door to be let in, so i cant even do that.
I think that its not just the dog. Its the fact that you are feeling walked on. Don't let her do it. As much as everyone likes to be there for their friends, she is not doing her part. Don't feel bad about telling her he can't stay. Just imagine if its not you who's next. I'm on your side. He's not your dog, so why should you have to watch him and clean up after him.
I agree that it's unfair of your friend. You could tell her that as much as you value her friendship that you are afraid of getting in trouble with your landlord and tell her (if it's really OK with you) that she can bring him over for a short visit but that he cannot stay there. She should understand that you just can't take the chance of being given an alternative by your landlord of either moving or rehoming the pets that are already living there.
Your friend is taking advantage of you. Don't allow it because it will only escalate from here. It really isn't healthy for the dog to be moved around so much.....from her house to yours and then to her parents. Sounds like she isn't in a position to even own a dog.
You need to take a stand on this before it gets worse. Tell her that it is just too risky for you to have the dog there for long periods of time due to landlord restrictions, and also mention that her dog is having 'accidents' in the house, and that you cannot be responsible if you open the door and he runs out after sniffing a female in heat.
There are many ways you can get around this, but you must be firm and stick to your plan. Don't give in again at a later date when she really is in a tough bind. That will only open the door again.
If you really feel uneasy about this due to the fact that she is your friend, just ask her to bring a crate for her dog when she leaves him so that you can crate him. I would offer this as a last resort and really think it through first. Once you offer a solution, you can't go back on it.
If she is indeed a good friend, she should understand where you are coming from.
From what little you've said, I might suggest to her to have the dog neutered and then re-homing him. Her life sounds too unstable to have a dog right now.
She definitly wouldnt rehome him, her parents dont mind him living at their house, and if she ever gets her own place she will take him with her.
He doesnt always have accidents and the last two days he didnt have any, at least none that I know of. Its just that since he has in the past i know he could in the future.
She says she plans on having him fixed but she is taking her time for some reason, i might go to the pound and get a vouture that will give her a discount on the cost. Hopefully she will do it soon.
The reason i feel bad about saying anything is b/c since she has lived with me she treats all my dogs as though they were hers, if i sleep over at someone elses house she feeds them for me and if im not home she will take them outside for me. She has even been spraying Winnie's hotspots with medicene and i havnt even asked her to do that.
I know i shouldnt feel guilty and i will definitly say something, i have just always have had a hard time with confrontation.
I may have a different point of view than I have seen. My best friend of 15 years, her 4 children, and her dog came here to stay with me for about 2 weeks. That made 4 adults, 6 kids, and 2 dogs (I didn't have Bosco yet) in my house. And her dog and my dog had to be separated at all times. I ended up keeping the dog a week longer than my friend was here, because she had to leave town and had nowhere else for him to go. This is a friend that I love as family, one who would help me bury a body, as they say. I knew that the situation was temporary (though we actually enjoyed it) and I would never ask her to re-home Bundy, any more than she would ask me to re-home one of my dogs... They are part of the family, so I expect that if Stacy and her kids were staying here, of course Bundy would too. It was extra work, but I truly didn't mind and my friend would have done the same for me.
On the other hand, if I had not been okay with the situation, I could have explained right up front to my friend and she would have found some other place for Bundy to be temporarily and would not have been angry at me. I wouldn't tell your friend that you don't like her dog, but since you don't want him there with you in charge, I would explain that to her. If she loves you she will understand and respect your feelings.
One more thing, sometimes un-neutered males will "mark" when they first come to a new place with other dogs, and then not have the problem anymore. We experienced this when we first got a new male. It is something to consider because it may not be that he is not properly potty trained, and if this is the case, you may actually like Charlie, and your friend may not have brought an un-potty trained dog into your home. I like Ansy's suggestion of a crate. That would make your life much easier if you decide he can stay there.
Shiny, thanks for your input as well. Charlie not only pees in my home but he pees and poops in her parents house too so he is kept outdoors there, he cant escape their yard.
Also when she told me she got kicked out of her parents home i told her she could live with me and she said Charlie will be staying at her parents.So i never told her he could live with us and i would never allow it since its just too many.
she just missed him and wanted him to stay over those two nights, but the thing that really annoyed me was she didnt even ask, she just brought him.
Also i kind of dont trust him around my cat. Isabelle my cat is the first cat he ever met. Last week Charlie attacked and chased a horse, so it worries me that he could do the same to my cat. Isabelle loves dogs and always initiates play with my girls, she will grab their tails or jump on them and start playing, im worried she will do this to Charlie one day while he is visiting and he may not react so well.
Once before when she didnt live with me and charlie was over, the two of us went to go get food, i mentioned crating him in one of my dogs crates and she didnt seem to fond of the idea, so we just put him in the dog room instead, so i dont think she would like the crate idea.
Agian thanks for all the advice, I'll talk to her soon.
If she loves you and you tell her exactly what you just said, your worries about the cat, messing in the house, etc., she will understand. If she gets angry about your legitimate concerns, she is probably not the friend you thought she was. In my own situation, it is extremely rare for my friend to ask for a big favor; neither of us are really needy people. So when one of us does ask for something, it is because there is no way we can do it on our own. I hope your talk goes well and she hugs you and says sorry for not considering your feelings, and makes the situation right. THAT is what a true friend would do.
Ok....your spin about how she treats your dogs changes things a bit for me. It's not like she is totally using you. It now sounds as if she is in a bad situation and is doing the best she can to make it right with you. At first, I thought she was just using you to watch her dog, but if she is making an effort to care for your dogs as well, then I think that is to be respected.
It is also why you are having such a hard time with this.
Keep in mind, that nothing obligates you to like her dog, however, given her efforts to help with your dogs it is like she is trying to -re-pay you in some small way.
Do you have a room which is tile or linoleum (sp)? A room where you can keep the dog and not have him mark the carpet or furniture? As long as she is helping you with your dogs, I don't see it as her using you. I know that 5 dogs is alot at once, but if he has his own room maybe it wont be so bad. If thats not an option, maybe the 2 of you can sit down together and come up with a plan.
Keep in mind that she probably feels just as stressed as you do when she has 4 or 5 dogs in her care so she is going to 'know' where you are coming from. I think getting her a neuter voucher is a great idea.
Also, don't be afraid to give her 'guidance' on what to do. It sounds like she's in a rough spot at the moment and sometimes people really want advice, but are afriad or ashamed to ask for it. When people are kicked from their home they tend to feel helpless and want to give up. This could affect her, you, and the dog.
I know its hard, but if its a temporary situation it may be worth it to help her out since you know you can trust her with your dogs if you ever need her. Thats a nice security to have.
Yeah, my views have changed since my last post, but its because I didn't realize she was helping you out as well. Even if you are doing the majority of the 'helping' just remember that nothing in life is really 'even' on the playing field.
Assuming she is single and has no kids, her dog is the only 'connection' she has to the stable life she once had. Given that, it is actually healthy for her to have the company of her dog at a time like this.
This is a tough situation, but I'm confident you'll make the right decisions. Sometimes just having someone to express things to (even on a forum) can help you alleviate the stress you feel with the situation.
Crate the dog. Supervise him when he is out, and make that outdoors. Make the rules. Dogs are pack animals, sorry, not little people. He WILL adapt to any condition that you make for him, he will enjoy being told what to do- that is pack... You are being a good friend. Draw your lines so that you may continue to do so.
