>US Navy Releases Terrorist > >The US Navy today announced that it has released a senior Al Quaeda >terrorist after questioning him extensively for 27 days while being held >prisoner aboard a US aircraft carrier in the Arabian Sea. > >In a humanitarian gesture, the terrorist was given $50 US and a white >1962 Ford Fairlane automobile upon being released from custody. > >The attached photo shows the terrorist on his way home just after being >releaseded by the Navy.
> A fiftyish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing > > with > > > > delight. Her husband watches her for a while and > > > > asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter > > > with > > > > you?" The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't >care. > > I > > > > just came home from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the > > > > breasts of an 18 year-old." The husband said, "What did he say about > > your > > > 56 > > > > year old ass?" "Your name never came up," she replied!
Um, if it was a joke, I did not get it. $50. would be a lot of money over there, and there are few cars, so it wold be a nice recompense, if they were not correct in assuming his guilt...
The 2nd one was real cute. I will get to work[tomorrow, I'm tired- I am off Mon/Tues] and I will post some goodies for you. My mail is stuffed FULL of jokes, I have not even read. Must be a few clean enough for The Furum...
O.K. I am horrible at telling jokes, but here goes...
Lady complains to her husband that she wishes her boobs were bigger. He tells her that what she needs to do is get some toilet paper and rub her boobs a couple of a day. So she does this for several weeks and her boobs remain the same. They are not any bigger than before.
So, she goes to her husband and tells him that it did not work. He says, "Hmm, it sure worked on your a** (butt- since I do not cuss- lol).
Well, it's Monday. Thought you would get a chuckle out of these:
> 1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert > have written an impressive new book. It's called > "Ministers Do More Than Lay People." > > 2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink > and be Mary. > > 3. The difference between the Pope and your > boss....the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring. > > > 4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant > flash and it is gone. > > 5. The only time the world beats a path to your > door is if you're in the bathroom. > > 6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The > seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, > well, it really chilled the mood. > > 7 It used to be only death and taxes were > inevitable. Now, of course there's shipping and > handling, too. > > 8. A husband is someone who, after taking the > trash out, gives the impression that he just > cleaned the whole house. > > 9. My next house will have no kitchen - just > vending machines and a large trash can > > 10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic > might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told > me all I needed was turn signal fluid." > > 11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write > me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be > like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building. > > > 12. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I > went to see how he was and found him writing > frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies > could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a > Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list > of the people I want to bite."
An old man, a boy & a donkey were going > to town. The boy rode on the donkey & > the old man walked. As they went along > they passed some people who remarked > it was a shame the old man was walking > & the boy was riding. The man & boy > thought maybe the critics were right, > so they changed positions. > > > > Later, they passed some people that remarked, > "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." > > They then decided they both > would walk! Soon they passed some > more people who thought they were > stupid to walk when they had a decent > donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey. > > > > Now they passed some people that > shamed them by saying how awful to put > such a load on a poor donkey. > The boy & man said they were > probably right, so they decided > to carry the donkey. As > they crossed the bridge, they lost > their grip on the animal & he fell > into the river and drowned. > > > > The moral of the story? > If you try to please everyone, you might as > well... > > > Kiss your ass good-bye.
This made me laugh, because I'm a girl. It is a little harsh, but it is a joke, not a real statement.
A study in Wisconsin showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she happens to be in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating she may be sexually attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. But..., if she is menstruating, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his nose and a bat jammed up his *ss while he is on fire.
Further studies are expected.
On second thought, it looks like the kind of thing that a guy would write. Dunno, it strikes a funny bone in me...
WARNING! >> > >> > A scam is being pulled, mainly on women. >> > What happens is that when you stop for a red light, a hot, young naked >> stud >> > comes up and pretends to be washing your windshield. >> > >> > While he is doing this, another person opens your back door and steals >> > anything in the car. They are very good at this: They got me 7 times >> > Thursday and 5 times Friday. >> > >> > I wasn't able to find them on Saturday. >> >
ed by the Navy.
