>1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since last oil >change. >2) Drink a cup of coffee or read through magazine. >3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained >vehicle. >Money spent: >Oil Change $20.00 >Coffee $1.00 >Total $21.00. > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > >Oil Change instructions for Men: > >1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for > oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree. >2) Discover that the used oil container is full so instead of taking > it back to auto store to recycle, dump in hole in back yard. >3) Open a beer and drink it. >4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. >5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. Jack car up. >6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. >7) Place drain pan under engine. >8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. >9) Give up and use crescent wrench. >10) Unscrew drain plug. >11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: Gets hot oil > on you in process. >12) Clean up mess. >13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. >14) Look for oil filter wrench. >15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and > twist off. >16) Drink Beer. >17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish > oil change tomorrow. >18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from under car. >19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18. >20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday. >21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer. >22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. >23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. >24) Remember drain plug from step 11. >25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. >26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the > back yard, along with drain plug. >27) Drink beer. >28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug. >29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. >30) Drink beer. >31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang > knuckles on frame. >32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step ! 31. >33) Begin cussing fit. >34) Throw wrench. >35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit > Miss December (1992) in the left boob. >36) Drink Beer. >37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as > required to stop blood flow. >38) Drink Beer. 39) Drink Beer. >40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. >41) Drink Beer. >42) Lower car from jack stands. >43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands. >44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to > fresh oil spilled during step 23. >45) Drink Beer. >46) Test drive car. >47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under > the influence. >48) Car gets impounded. >49) Make bail. >50) Get car from impound yard. >Money spent: >Parts $50.00 >Beer $25.00 >DUI $2500.00 >Impound fee $75.00 >Bail $1500.00 >Total $4150.00 >But, BY GOD, you know the job was done right!
that reminds me of my partener Michael when hes trying to 'fix' something on his motor-cross bike he always trys to do stuff the hard way (and never learns!)
I ran into a female mechanic at an auto parts store, once. She simply and concisely explained a repair proceedure to me. As I gushed my thanks and bemoaned the difference between her treatment of me and the condescending, uninformative attitude that I get from men, she said, from what she had observed when men fix things," they get a hammer and pound on something, if it does not fix itself, they get a bigger hammer".
My Hubby is actually rather good when it comes to working on cars. Our cars have never seen a real mechanic. Hubby has put 2 new motors one in the Cutlass and one in the Riviara, and he's about to put another one in the Cutlass. He can take apart, fix whats wrong and put back together a dirt bike engine in less than an hour.
But the kicker is once hes done he's missing half his tools always blames my son for comming to steal them. I go outside and look for them and they are in his little cubby under the hood, in the back seat of the car, on the floor of the car, anywhere you can think of but "here he left them" His excuse is " I didn't leave it there" Yeah Right!
Stormy, I know what you mean. Once I opened my hood after I had been to the mechanic. and there was a nice expensive screwdriver... I took it back to the shop owner, he said he was going to stick it up the mechanic's $$$. That he lost plenty of money that way.
that reminds me of my partener Michael when hes trying to 'fix' something on his motor-cross bike he always trys to do stuff the hard way (and never learns!) 
~twink
