IF MY BODY WERE A CAR
> If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it
> in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish
> and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.
>
> My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as sleek as
> a little MG; now they look more like an old Buick.
>
> My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are sagging. Seat
> belts? I gave up all belts when Krispy Cremes opened a shop in my
> neighborhood.!
>
> Air bag's ?Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes. Not
> counting the saddlebags, of course.
>
> I have soooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places and
> seen many things, but when's the last time an appraiser factored life
> experiences against depreciation?
>
> My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up
> close.
>
> My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and
> bump into things even in the best of weather.
>
> My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
>
> It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
>
> My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
>
> But here's the worst of it - almost every time I sneeze, cough or
> sputter.....either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires