A sailor and a pirate walk into a bar. They sit down next to each other, get to talking and their chat soon turns to their sea adventures. The sailor tells of his days fighting wars with the Navy, and the pirate tells of robbing ships and killing his enemies with the other pirates.
The sailor notices that the pirate has an eyepatch, a hook and a peg leg and asks, “How did you get the peg leg?”
The pirate replies, “When I was thrown off my ship and flated for two days until my crew rescued me, my leg was bitten off by a shark as I was being pulled out of the water.”

The sailor, impressed, says, “Wow. That's very exciting. But how about the hook?”
The pirate smiles, shining the hook a bit, “When I was swordfighting with a pirate from our enemy ship for treasure, he took it right off.''
The sailor's eyes were wide with awe at how badas this pirate was, and he asked,
How did you get the eyepatch?” “Well,”says the pirate, shifting in his seat a bit, “a seagull **** in my eye.”
The seaman looks puzzled: “You lost an eye from gull ****?”
The pirate sighed and shook his head. “It was my first day with the hook.”