HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
 
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
 
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY
APPRECIATIVE."
 
3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
 
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE
INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
 
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
 
6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
 
7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY
INCONVENIENCED."
 
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
 
9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
 
10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
 
11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY
SUPERIOR."
 
12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
 
 
 
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
 
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN
STORAGE
FACILITY."
 
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
 
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS."
 
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
 
5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL
RELATIONSHIPS."
 
6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY
HORIZONTAL."
 
7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of
"RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
 
8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
 
9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
 
10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."
 
11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR
CLEAVAGE."