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shinyblackpit


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Pregnancy FAQ (for Zoeandtucker)
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Pregnancy FAQ

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: How long is the average woman in labor?
A: Whatever she says divided by two.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

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shinyblackpit


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One more. (I got both of these from another forum)

Fatal Things to Say if Your Wife is Pregnant

I finished the Oreo's.

Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds.

Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby!

I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!

Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl.

Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella.

Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt.

I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?

Are your ankles supposed to look like that?

Get your *own* ice cream.

Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today.

Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!

Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water...

Your stomach sticks out almost as much as your ass!

You don't have the guts to pull that trigger...

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Paige


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I like this one the best.....Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds. LMAO!!!! I know I gained 50 pounds when pregnant and I would have killed Brad if he would have said that. But after I had Kaitlyn I was already 40 pounds lighter than when I came in.

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ZoeandTucker


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Those are so funny and way too true.  The first ones I had seen before but the second ones I hadn't. 

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